My "Aha" Moment

While I was perusing the latest issue of O magazine, I suddenly had what I consider a great idea for a new writing project. I'm going to write a book about .... not that fast, you might steal my ingenious idea and beat me to getting it published. Hahaha, I know I do sound deluded, but can you imagine how deluded I actually was when I came up with this and actually thought it was going to be realized. Well, who knows,it might be a New York Time's bestseller??? (Read with the last syllable one octave higher than the rest) It's about something I and only I know about, my life. But not an autobiography because who would be interested in reading about my humdrum life? Last I checked I didn't invent Post It or the IPod. But there are different aspects of human life that could prove interesting, not just the successes and failures. There are different phases we had to go through to be the people we are. Ooops, I'm giving too much away. I feel very positive about it. I have to get rid of the Critical me that always seems to have an excuse to not do the things I should be doing. I do believe that in our brain dwell the sentimental and the logical and a healthy balance is essential to have a well oiled running machine. But when we overthink things, we freeze and become withdrawn. We take the easy way out which is to not do anything and not set ourselves up for failure. Failure is good. Failure is better than not experiencing anything. If this book never gets published, then I will post it here and all of you are going to have to read it. I will still get it out there because that's how much I believe in this project. I know there are many people out there experiencing the same things as I and it might be good to know that they're not alone in their struggle. So guys and gals, keep your fingers crossed for me!

Cutting the Mother Tongue

Did I just dream the new millenium? I still have vivid visions of people bumping and grinding to the tune of Jennifer Lopez' "Waiting for Tonight" or techies fearful of the proverbial millenium bug, aptly aliased as Y2K. Didn't I go to Spain and spend 3 months there wandering the streets of Madrid, Salamanca, Barcelona, etc.? Didn't I get hitched and unhitched? Didn't I go back to school and graduate? Didn't I learn and relearn languages I have yet to use? Did I just dream that people were free to live where they pleased, to worship who they wished and to speak the language they were most comfortable with? Then, if I didn't dream that countless heroes have died to set us free, how come Ross, a well-known discount shop here in the US is reprimanding their Filipino employees for using their native language, Filipino, when speaking with fellow Filipinos? When I heard this from one of the Filipinos employed there, my right eyebrow could not help but arch up to the high heavens. I thought we were over this,people? Are we faced with yet another breed of racists, are we up against a new kind of prejudice, and are Filipino Americans the new target of racial bullies that have found a "weaker" (and I am using this term loosely) people to play the push and shove game with? How come the Mexican Americans are not told to stop using their mother tongue when talking to one another. I have been to that same shop so many times and have personally heard them speaking Spanish to co-workers and customers alike. I thought that this was the land where people were considered equal and that each one of us shared the same rights and privileges, or maybe I'm too naive and believe every bull I'm told. It's true what they say, that not everything is black or white, This time we're talking about the gray scale that lies oh so sadly in the middle. Misplaced and displaced voluntarily or by force, struggling with heads bowed down, stripped of every sense of pride one feels for their mother land. Hold your head up high, speak up and stand your ground. For these people I cry just a little. For these people my heart breaks just a little.

In Your Stead

The idea of having a proxy to take the place of no-show principal sponsors at weddings amuses, if not baffles me. Not that there's anything strange about it, but just because the idea could not be applied to the different facettes of our complex lives. If only one person could take the place of another who nurses a broken heart, or someone whose cross is unbelievably unbearable. I wish even just once we could all experience someone else's pains - how they are constantly tortured by vacuous concerns that leave them in a darkened, festering state of being. I would give up happy thoughts to have a glimpse of the world through eyes blurred by tears. Maybe then I would understand, maybe then questions would have answers. To walk the thorny path in your stead for just one day would be my highest wish.

Shake, Shake, Shake

"I feel the earth move under my feet" would've been the perfect background music as I was attempting to wash our minivan yesterday morning. The ground literally shook, as the cars that lined our street swayed from side to side. A 5.8 earthquake which was later downgraded to 5.4 had just hit us, with the epicenter a mere thirty minute drive away. Our old house suffered no structural damage, thank God, but we were a little bit shaken, no pun intended nonetheless. We were bombarded with news stories about the quake immediately after. As of 12:30 PM we had around 24 aftershocks. There is a slim chance that we'll have a bigger quake within days but we're all praying it doesn't happen.

Today I was so psyched to go to Ikea to buy some things for my room. I'd been dying to make it a little more me. When my mom and I got there, the Scandinavian furniture haven was closed, possibly because of the earthquake. My dream of having Swedish meatballs for lunch was instantly crushed! We went to Costco instead where I bought nothing. Oh well, tomorrow's another day.

Nightmarish Reality

Where did the missing Php1 billion go, ask Filipinos all over, referring to the P1.8 billion VAT collected, only P800 million of which is accounted for. As an aftermath of the latest State of the Nation Address, Filipinos here in the US took to the streets and made their opinions known to the rest of the world, making sure Filipinos in the Philippines know that they are one with them in their struggle and disgust. Where is the money that should've been used to help the destitute, those who are living on rice and salt? Well, someone decided to help themselves, instead of the truly needy, that's for sure. It saddens me that when I think of home, aside from the fond memories I am also reminded of the lack of progress, the corruption at all levels, and unrelenting poverty that we can't seem to shake off. When politicians speak of the Philippine economic progress, it's as if they're living in an alternate universe, that they see a world invisible to the rest of us. We are up to our ears with sugarcoated reality, it's nauseating. We are so corrupt, we are rotten to the core, and we have become unwilling participants in the moral disintegration of our country. When do we wake up from this nightmarish reality?

Word Power

Words spoken can never be taken back. They are like text messages sent to the wrong recipient, one could only hope that technological difficulties would somehow make the message disappear into thin air. Committing a Freudian slip is probably the worst thing that could happen to anyone doing a live newscast. A mispronounced word or a name is not entirely unpardonable. It only shows a lack of preparation on the part of the anchor person. I could willingly let it go. But what is so appalling is when some TV personalities make remarks that are hurtful, arrogant, judgmental and simply idiotic. It is a sad reality that Filipino TV personalities still need to educate themselves when it comes to political correctness. Asking an audience member if she still "works in Ermita" as a joke is totally unacceptable. I was watching Wowowee, a Filipino variety show shown on The Filipino Channel, when I heard Willie Revillame ask one woman from the audience just that. It shows stupidity on his part, which didn't really surprise me, but the fact that nobody seemed to get it, that dumbfounded me. Everyone was laughing as if he told the joke of the millenium. Are Filipino TV personalities so devoid of intelligence that they don't know what is accepted, civilized and decent? I believe that there are smart people out there who are not saying nor are they doing anything. The people who line up for hours just to be a part of the 3 hour show may be poor but they should never be made a punchline. They should never be the butt of anyone's jokes. I'm certain many people share the same sentiment. Please be a little more sensitive. 

Spanish Getaway

As I was walking the streets of Pamplona with my sister, I realized that there had always been an eight-year-interval between my Spanish trips. I just hope I won't have to wait another eight years before I could go back there. In May 1992, my mom Ligaya, my sister Grace, my brother Ricardo and I went on a trip to Italy, Spain and France. That was my very first trip to Europe and even at such a young age I already knew that I a travel-filled life would be the life for me. Eight years later I found myself back in Spain, this time as a student of the language. For three months I lived and breathed Spain, eating paella mixta and a variety of tapas, drinking sangria and San Miguel, trying to walk as fast as the Spanish, getting used to two-hour lunch breaks and just soaking up the scorching sun. Those were the some of the happiest times of my life. Another eight years went by, got married and separated, went back to school and got a degree, and now trying to make sense of everything that's happened. I found myself back in Spain, not as a student but a not-so-accidental tourist. I had bought the plane ticket some three weeks before. My sister had found a suitable (cheap and clean) hostel where I was to stay for about twenty one days. I had told myself to be careful with the spending, what with the little money I had. But despite steering clear of unnecessary purchases, I still managed to blow $500 the first couple of days. Money was water in my hands and all I bought was food and water. Things got better after a while once I learned to control my spending habits.

I fell in love with Spain all over again and I am considering moving there. The pueblos in and around Navarra like Estella and Puente La Reina are definitely worth visiting if history and old-world charm fascinate you. I took some of the best pictures of the trip in those two pueblos. An inexpensive way to pass the time, the pueblos are a surefire way of familiarizing yourself with the Spanish history, culture and way of life.

San Sebastian, a culinary haven in the heart of Pais Vasco was a world all its own. Walking the narrow streets of its Casco Viejo, I was transported back to a world of horses and carriages, of cobblestones and religiosity rarely seen in modern cities today. The city is a tourist-friendly one, with signs all over giving you a clear idea where you should be headed. The signs even tell you how far a particular place/spot is from where you're standing, granting you can actually walk as fast as the locals do. When we got to the Playa dela Concha, my sister Grace pointed to a statue of Jesus atop a hill, seemingly unreachable if you traveled by foot. "I want to go there," pointing to where the statue was, and my heart suddenly sank. This didn't only mean more walking, it meant more walking and climbing!" I swallowed my hesitation and bravely said, "sure!" hoping there was a bus that we could catch. On the way there, we met an old lady who told us how to get to the towering statue. "Hay que subir!" No way to go but up, up, up! My body's state being the antithesis of what you might consider physically fit, the climb proved to be an arduous, laborious, hyperventilating experience. But ask me if I would do it again...In a heartbeat! The veiw was breathtaking, and just the having experienced everything with my sister made the whole trip worthwhile.

San Sebastian is not the only tourist destination worthy of your attention. Bilbao is also a very popular must-see city for tavel and art aficionados. The city boasts of countless architectural wonders, not as overwhelming as Barcelona, but still as interesting. Here, the famous Guggenheim Museum can be found. The day we went there, the sky was at its bluest. I had never seen a more glorious day. Although taking pictures inside the museum is prohibited, the intensity and amount of art you will see are enough to give you a case creativity overdose. The things that must go on inside these artists' head! After some more walking and picture-taking, we headed back to Pamplona positively satisfied.

I was fortunate enough to catch the first two days of Los Sanfermines, a feast in honor of their patron saint San Fermin. Though I wasn't crazy enough to run with the bulls, I did go to the city center to take pictures of the different people who had joined in the revelry. The streets were a sea of red and white! Definitely a sight to behold. The mental picture I have of locals and tourists walking around beer/wine in their hand struggling to walk a straight path I will keep with me forever. Seriously, it was an experience like no other. I hope that I could be there again, same time next year. We'll see what Fate has in store for me. 

Fashion Faux Pas

It's a puzzlement how some people think that wearing socks automatically makes their outfit acceptable for viewing by the critiquing public. They just don't know what they're setting themselves up for. They are like lambs being sent forth to wolf country, ready to be slaughtered and devoured. I'm no fashionista but I believe that humans are gifts that should be wrapped beautifully. What we wear tells the world how we want to represent ourselves. Some people might think me shallow but dressing to impress signals more than just knowledge of current fashion trends. Confidence, mood, disposition, and familiarity with color wheel are some of the things one conveys when one dresses occasion- and age-appropriately. No one is above fashion as no is above the law so don't get hoity toity about it pretending that it only affects the superficial, heiress-wannabe-with-nothing-upstairs, muscle-bound-model-types, and botox-induced-walking-and talking-mummies. It affects teacher, lawyer, and candlestick-maker! Let's face it, people look at you and instantly form ideas. Some people who are still living inside the "emotional closet" might say "sticks and stones" and that it doesn't matter what people say. Well it's true, it's not what people say but it's what they say behind your back. No one would want to be a cubist's masterpiece when you want the world to see you as a renaissance objet d'art! It's all about representing yourself the way you want to be represented. Even those who say they couldn't give a rat's behind about what people think exert extra effort in looking like they don't care. Some make it a point to steer clear of colors when shopping and maintain a monochromatic closet. Some even so much as put halloween make up on to emphasize their indifference. No matter who we are, even if we're never going to rub elbows with the Joneses, what we wear is the first thing that people see. Our wit, sense of humor and other redeeming qualities will have to be discovered later. Sad, but unfortunately, oh-so-true.

In Constant Motion

Standing at church during Mass Sunday morning, a realization hit me like a bolt of divine lightning. Not one of the good folks at St. Christopher's Parish could stand still. Not even me. People are in constant motion. Moving unceasingly. Swaying back and forth, from one side to another. Fidgeting, flipping the pages of the church's song book, looking around, et cetera et cetera. Man is this one big blob of energy waiting to be let loose. Some people fare far worse than others. This is where all the acronyms come in. I may be a lot of things, but brander I try not to be. Let's leave that to the learned. Those whose lives have been dedicated to finding out the workings of the human brain. Let them name the unnamed. Then we can all get on with our lives and feel better about ourselves, that we "don't got them a-crow-nyms."

Rat Race

And then it hit me. I'm back in the US. Feeling like a car going out of control and about to crash into the wall of reality! Have to take control of my out of control life. Enough of the suspense. Life has to be lived and worked. I need to get a job. Sent out my resume to a couple of schools and some firms hoping that its meagreness would actually be worthy of being looked upon by the powers that be. I am not very picky. Any job will do. I will just have to deal with the psychological implications quietly, in my own time. Fingers have been perpetually crossed. How I wish I could be on vacation mode for all eviternity and be paid at the same time. But, alas, a pauper's life means to toil and moil until the joie de vivre gets sucked right out of you. Time for the rat race. And off we go!

Or So They Say

As one grows older some of the things one used to hold so dear lose their appeal and can mean something entirely different from what they used to represent say 15 years ago. Like the New Kids on the Block's big comeback. Though I was never a fan, I can just imagine what they meant to the countless fans who were responsible for buying about 80 million of their records. Yesterday we went to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, or so they say. For adults it could easily represent something that breaks the bank for everything there could cost you an arm and a leg. As children enjoy the shows, the rides and the different treats, their parents stress out about the littlest things like waiting in line for a good hour or so to watch a show or to ride a ride only their kids enjoy. Ordering food is not any better, aside from the queue that people have no choice but to bear with, amusement park food is not cheap! So the parents walk around with a plastered smile on their faces feigning perpetual happiness and bliss while strolling the streets of the happiest place on earth. The children are none the wiser, exhausted, but still oblivious to the reality of amusement park-related stress. The parents drive home with two things in mind, a hot bath and a warm bed. But hey, the kids are happy, and that's the only the thing that matters...or so they say

Wide-Eyed No More

Friends seem to possess a unique ability to make the heavy burdens we carry on our shoulders a little bit lighter. Today I met up with my friends from UST, people I have known since 1991! I must say we are no longer the 16-year-olds we once were. The innocent look we had in our eyes when we first met has been replaced by wisdom, sincerity and joie de vivre that can only be possessed by people who are somewhat advanced in years. I'm not saying we're old, far from it! We're not about to pack our bags and head off to the Home for the Aged. I'm sure you all know what I mean. Isn't it great to be at the age we're in? I love the freedom and the common sense being 33 affords me. The gravity of the problems that plague us has increased a few notches but so is our capability to bear them with dignity and grace. Gone are the days of crying our eyes out over the petty and insignificant. Now, the focus is to make the most of what we have, to enjoy the life we live and to strengthen the bonds and relations we have with important people in our lives. Now we know that our civil status doesn't define us. We may be single but that doesn't mean we go it alone. Life is so much more enjoyable (read: bearable) when we share it with people who deserve our attention. Again I stand with open arms welcoming the coming year with common sense and a hopeful heart.

Justice in Small Doses

It is disheartening when people fight over the little that they have. I never wanted to be in that situation but at times, like now, it is unavoidable. One has the right to assert himself to be able to get what is rightfully his. But there are moments when self-assertion leaves one with a feeling of guilt that you can't shake off. Sometimes when you know you are more blessed than others, asserting yourself becomes a painstaking, arduous task. But blessed or not, it doesn't matter. What matters is to right the wrong that has been committed and restore justice. Justice comes in different scales, levels and forms. I have to admit I'm not talking civil rights scale here since the inherent rights of the people concerned are not necessarily trampled upon. I just wish that the other party would open their eyes to the truth that is staring right back at them. Wishing for something to go away is not tantamount to it actually disappearing.

Something Inconceivable

I find amazing how life differs from person to person at different points in time. I guess I've always known this but my awareness of this fact has been heightened ever since I moved to the US. A man may be relieving himself in the privacy of his bathroom while another is being wheeled into the emergency room as onlookers offer a silent prayer. Everyone has problems they have to deal with. Some problems are more bearable than others and some people have better coping abilities while others carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. On a different note...starting over is quite fun. Im in the process of picking up the pieces even as we speak. Just need to take care of legalities and I'm all set. A new facette of my life emerges. And so the story continues. Just keep turning the pages.